Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
