two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Be still, my beating vagina.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
