Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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