so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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