And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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