I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
