Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
