just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
