i dedicated my morning wood to you.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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