I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
