did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize