6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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