I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
