I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
