babies were throwing up all over the place
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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