I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
