i think i have two assholes
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
