I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
