Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
