I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I'm passing your future prison.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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