Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
