in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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