just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
