quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
