1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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