dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize