My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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