Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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