They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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