I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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