I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
