I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
