i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
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