masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
