Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
