It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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