Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Houston, we have a squirter
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Randomize
