Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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