That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
