I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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