I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
