On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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