can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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