Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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