Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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