her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
