does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
