Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
