I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
