alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize