Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
This baby is an asshole
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
