i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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