I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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