Can i not drive my cunt home
Just took my morning after pill in the library
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
