Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
