yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
