The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
