they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You are the jesus of drinking
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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