he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize