Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
