I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
