Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
whose parrot is this?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
