Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
