I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
