Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
