apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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