She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize