I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
