I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
