i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
